Anger management for children and young adults –
Anger is a strong emotion that can be difficult to keep in check, but the right response is to always stay calm. Not always easy, but here are some ways to deal with anger without resorting to aggression.
• Learn to talk about your feelings — if you’re afraid to talk or if you can’t find the right words to describe what you’re going through, find a trusted friend or adult to help you one-on-one. Also write your thoughts down. Anger is a secondary emotion that appears straight after the key emotion you were experiencing – so reflect – was it frustration? worry? disappointment? Once the key emotion is uncovered, then there can be investigation about what was it that triggered that emotion within you and therefore, the anger?
• Express yourself calmly — express criticism, disappointment, anger or displeasure without losing your temper or fighting. Ask yourself if your response is safe/reasonable.
• Listen to others — listen carefully (active listening) and respond without getting upset when someone gives you negative feedback. This will take practice. But test yourself, to see if you can really see the other person’s point of view.
• Negotiate — work out your problems with someone else by looking at alternative solutions. Obviously if you’ve been bullied/verbally abused for example then go to those in authority (teacher, school counsellor, sports coach – someone you feel comfortable with)
• Take a self time-out and calm yourself down before you respond to the situation or person who is triggering your anger. This may mean walking away from that person or event, if you’re able to.
Start managing anger by recognizing how anger feels to you. Make the link between strong emotions and the physiological impact they have upon you.
• Muscle tension
• Accelerated heartbeat
• A “knot” or “butterflies” in your stomach
• Changes in your breathing – becoming more rapid and shallow
• Trembling
• Goose bumps
• Flushed in the face
• Clenched hands
You can reduce the rush of adrenaline by:
• Taking a few slow, deep breaths (3 seconds in, hold for 1, exhale for 4, repeat).
• Imagine yourself at the beach, or anywhere that makes you feel calm and peaceful.
• Try other thoughts or actions that helped you relax in the past.
Keep telling yourself:
• “Calm down.” “I don’t need to prove myself.” “I’m not going to let him/her get to me.”
Finally – Consider the consequences. Think before you act. Make your aim to defeat the problem, not the other person. Learn to think of the benefits of controlling anger and the consequences of losing control.
